Relationship is vital to the existence of man. It is not optional but obligatory for maximum result. Relationship gives access to success in life. It may be possible for you to have good results without relationship, but I guarantee you that you will get better results when you relate with one another. The best results come when you have the skills of relationship.
Relationship has been abused. It can either make you or break you. There’s a friend of mine whose husband stays very far off from home because of work. As a result of the distance, he has been dating another woman. In fact they are even thinking of getting married. She told me that it was shocking to her when she got to know about it. She never expected her husband could do something like that considering the love he showers on her. Another lady told me of a story of her friend’s husband who decided to have another affair because the wife had not given birth after five years of marriage. Hezekiah in the bible for example led the king of Babylon round his kingdom and showed him all the treasures. Not long after, he lost all the gold in the temple and in the king’s house to him.
Relationship still works. You must know that for any physical manifestation, there is also the spiritual reality. Therefore, there is the physical relationship as well as spiritual relationship. The latter gives substance and depth to the former. Without the spiritual foundation, any physical relationship could crash anytime. No wonder there are many marriages crashing today, divorce cases pending in courts, enmity between partners and so much confusion and despair in the world.
Relationship, according to Dr. David O. Oyedepo in his book; Excellence in Life and Ministry, is “Contact and interaction between people is relationship. To relate means to be in touch, to contact, to be involved one with another. Relationships are crucial, vital and most needful to realizing one’s goals and objectives in life…” He asked; “Do you know one of the reasons why the work of creation is outstanding? It is because God the Father worked with the Son and the Holy Ghost”. This is the reason why it is written; “And God said, let Us make in our image after our likeness…” –Genesis 1:2. The key to having the best in relationship is in understanding the Trinity-The perfect union between God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
The purpose of this write up, having had perfect understanding of the Trinity is to equip you with ten steps (five spiritual steps and five physical steps) to take to start a relationship and to also teach you the know-how of building an effective relationship. Man has a dual nature that is the physical and the spiritual. “The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being”-Gen.2:7 The dust of the ground and the breath of life in the above quotation refers to the physical and the spiritual man. Jesus Christ confirmed this in Matthew 4:4 when He said; “It is written: Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” The bread is for the physical man while the word that proceeds from the mouth of God is for the spiritual man.
In the book of Ecclesiastes 12:7, it is written; “And the spirit returns to God who gave it”. You will also find in the book of 1Corinthians 15:44 and 46; “It is sown a natural body; it is raised a spiritual body. If there is a natural body, there is also a spiritual body…The spiritual did not come first, but the natural, and after that the spiritual.” Though the physical and the spiritual are independent of each other, it takes both to make a complete man. One needs to strike a balance between them. 1 Thes.5:23 say; “May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ.”
The natural without the spiritual is like a house built on sandy soil. “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and put them to practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.”-Matt 7:24-28. The rain will come, the streams will rise and the winds will blow against relationships but if not founded on rock, it will fall with a great crash!
There are five steps (physical) that one should know before starting a relationship. I call it the LIKES principles of relationship. L stands for lure; I stands for inspiration; k stands for keep; E stands for establish while S stands for strengthen. To lure means to attract or invite something or someone to you. To effectively do so, you must discover the unique thing about you. Some of the means you can use to lure someone to you includes beauty, intelligence; character; charms; gifts etc. I’m very sure you must have noticed some ladies wear tights, miniskirts and every other revealing clothes. The ulterior motive is to attract the opposite sex (If not for any other thing but to be admired and appreciated). You get what you want by what you have. If you don’t have it, don’t pretend that you have it. For example, a lady who is ugly and has K-leg should not wear miniskirt or tights. Rather than attract someone to herself, she will drive people away from her by such habit. She should find other means that is peculiar to her e.g. intelligence or her character. Character attracts twice as much as beauty.
Every human being is created unique. You must discover your uniqueness whether on the outward or in the inner man. The best way to discover your outward man is to check yourself out in the mirror and be sincere with your findings. What do people say of you? Are you beautiful or attractive or charming? The only way to discover your inner qualities is through reading and doing God’s word. What you cannot achieve with the physical, you can achieve with the inner man. Relationship is not based on a vacuum. One must have a reason for getting attracted to you. You don’t like someone for nothing. If you do like someone, find out the reason (Whether outward or inward) and communicate it to him or her. Your findings will determine whether the relationship will grow or degenerate.
Jesus Christ had multitudes following Him. This was made possible because He did signs and wonders and He also fed them. Without miracles and food, they would have gone away. He had a reason for calling the apostles. So, you must have a reason to lure someone to yourself. A good fisher man is the one who knows how to use the right bait at the right time. Luring could be positive or negative. A Christian lures for positive reasons. What makes luring negative or positive is determined by the consequences or rewards that go with either of them. The message here is that, you must learn how to lure to be able to start a relationship.
When you have successfully lured someone to yourself, the next step to take is to inspire such person. To inspire means to put uplifting thoughts, feelings or aims into somebody. To effectively do so depend on how much word you have on the inside of you and how much knowledge you have of him or her. A business man does not just put on the best suit, nice tie and walk into an office with his briefcase without accurate knowledge of his products and client. He lures his clients with his style of dressing but inspires them with his knowledge and positive communications. The same goes for a preacher. He cannot win souls without the word of God. I have been young and now I am getting old but I have never seen a man asking a lady’s hand in marriage by merely staring at her face. He has to communicate his heart desires to her. You need to inspire and be inspired.
After you have lured and inspired, then, you must keep a relationship. There are some actions you exhibit that either attract people to you or drive them away. For example, maybe you are someone who talks too much and are fond of picking your nose in public etc. These habits can drive people from you. What are the things that draw people to you? What are the things that drive people away from you? Be sincere with your listings. Pray for God’s grace to change those things that drive people away from you and to enhance those things that attract them to you. The key word here is feeling. You must not hurt people’s feeling if you want to keep them. I know as a human being we may err sometimes, it is better to avoid making mistakes. It is very expensive to restore a broken relationship. If you are a wife, which will you prefer- a husband who takes you to a nice restaurant, buys expensive gifts for you because you caught him with another lady or a loving and caring husband who does not make you worry, always saying yes to you and you alone? Like they say, “Prevention is better than cure”. To keep a relationship let us strive to avoid those actions that hurt people’s feeling because people take decisions based on their feelings.
You establish a relationship by love. God is Love and man is love too since he is created in the image and likeness of God (John. 10.34; 1 John 4:8). God expects man to invest his love in Him, so that He could give him His Love in return. Have you not read in the bible that, “To God one day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is like one day”-11 Peter 3:8. When you invest one love in God, He gives you one love in return and His one Love is equal to a thousand of the one you had invested in Him. It is like sowing on good ground which bears more than a hundred fold. God’s Love attracts. When you have it, you don’t go looking for people to love you. They don’t have any choice but to love you.
Many people invest their love by the way side. What happens is that the birds of the air (devil and demons) comes and devour them. They do not bear fruits. Instead, they have heartbreak, frustration, disappointment etc. these are the ones that say; “There is nothing like love!” Some invest their love on stony places. Initially, you could see them blossoming like the flowers but when trials come and because they lack roots, they immediately wither away. That is why there are so many divorce cases today. Others invest their love among thorns. They get choked. It might even take their lives. The reason for all these wrong investments is lack of practical knowledge of God’s word. Examine yourself, where are you investing your love? You better invest it in God first. It pays to invest in God.
In order to strengthen a relationship, you need to go the extra mile. In a relationship there are expectations. Acceptance of one’s partner in a relationship stems from these expectations and a breach of these expectations leads to offence. Expectation is vital to a relationship. They are like framework on which a relationship is built. Some have high expectations while others have little or no expectations. Be moderate in your expectations. Your expectation may be to get married to a rich man. But who says that a poor man who is asking your hand in marriage today will not be rich tomorrow. You should have expectation but acceptance of one’s partner should not be based on the overall fulfillment of these expectations but on knowing your partner. If you understand your partner so well, you will find the grace to forgive when he or she has fallen short of your expectations. You must also learn how to apologize when you offend someone. Sometimes, you have to say sorry even when you are not at fault for the sake of peace.
Having considered the five physical steps, let us also look at the five spiritual steps. First and foremost, you must acknowledge that you are a sinner and as such not liable to have a good relationship without God. Having a good relationship is not by power or might; it is by the Spirit of God. You must not exalt yourself. Be humble and let God exalt you (Rom. 3:23 and Luke 18:13-14)
The one major hindrance to a good relationship is sin. It has to be confessed and repented of. Sin does not only constitute a nuisance to a relationship, it also leads to its destruction. For one to have a healthy relationship, the issue of sins has to be dealt with. (Acts 3:19)
You must forsake sin that is given up or break away from sin confessed and repented of. In other word, one must not be like the dog that keeps returning back to its vomit. (Isaiah. 55:7; Isaiah 1:18-19).
The soul of relationship is belief. You must believe God’s word. God created the heaven and the earth by His word. God’s word is the way, the truth and the life. Jesus Christ is the Word and He says; “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth and the truth will set you free.”-John 8: 31-32. You must believe in God’s Son. His name is Jesus Christ. (John 3:16-17). The word of God produces commitment, boldness and confidence and communicating skills which are compulsory ingredients to a successful relationship.
When you believe the word of God, you receive the power to make a relationship work. (1 John 4:15; 1 john 3:24; I John 5:10; Acts 1:8). When you receive the Holy Spirit from God as a result of your belief having satisfied the other steps mentioned above, you will receive the unction to function and the power to overcome in all circumstances of life.
In summary, step 1 shows the wrath of God; step 2 is the mercy of God; step 3 is the love of God; step 4 is the word of God while step 5 is the power of God. Movement up the ladder shows a graduation from recipient of God’s wrath to the possessor of God’s power.
Relationship grows in stages. It moves from the wrath or chaos stage to the mercy stage through the love and word stage until it gets to the power stage. Just as it grows, it can also degenerate from the power stage down the ladder to the wrath stage.
Based on my perfect understanding of the Trinity, a good relationship is made of Love, Word and Power. God the Father is Love; God the Son is the Word while God the Holy Spirit is Power. Simply put, for you to love someone in a relationship, you must know, read or study the person, it is your conviction that gives you the power to Love.
So in building a relationship you must read, study or acquire knowledge always about your partner whether business or personal. You must wait (fast) on the Lord to have a perfect understanding and to receive power. Finally you must pray without ceasing to God to give you His kind of Love. It is God’s Love that is needed to make a relationship to work.
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